What is really going on?

Day: 37
High Temp: 95F feels like 101F (seriously, it is the first day of fall for pete's sake!)
Job Status: Unemployed, participating in market research study tomorrow
Jobs Applied To: 4

Okay, so this is the blog I have been trying to avoid writing. But, in doing so, it has slowed down my ablity to blog about anything else. Trust me, I have dozens of hillarious blogs floating about my mind, like the how horrible it is to drive in Austin, or the many mispronounced Spanish words in a state so close to Mexico, or the crazy antics of the now almost-completely-potty-trained Homer and so forth, but I gotta get this off my chest before any of those will come out. So here goes.

This is the hardest thing I have ever done. EVER. Being here, in Austin, is so hard. It is mentally and emotionally draining, and every day really does seem like an eternity. There are a few reasons it has been so hard.

1. The only friends or family within a thousand miles, are Tom and Homer. I love those two guys more than anything, but it puts a lot of pressure on a relationship when it is the only one you have. And, the other truth is that Homer and Tom would be just as fun and entertaining anywhere else on earth. It's not something special to Texas. Also, Tom has a lot of work to do, even when he is home, and Homer sleeps most of the day, and also doesnt speak English, so that's hard.

2. Another aspect that makes this hard is my lack of job. True, I am doing some freelance work for TimeLine, which is keeping me sane, and I did book my first market research study for tomorrow ($125 cash!), but I can't think of a time ever that I have had this much free time on my hands. Not to mention the lack (or at least drip) of cash flow coming in. For about the past 3 years I have been saving up for a down payment on a house/condo. At this point in my Austin adventure, about 1/2 of that nest egg is gone. Between moving expenses, rental cars and deposits, not to mention our first and second months of living expenses, it went really fast. Things have started to level out, but it's depressing to see my savings go towards, what in the end seems like nothing. I have about 3 more months of living expense in the bank, if I continue to budget carefully, but that doesnt include tickets to Tahoe for Thanksgiving, or any unforseen expenses.

3. And finally, the variable that is most up in the air, but that is also making me probably the most miserable, is our apartment. Tom and I live at The State House, which is an other wise nicely kept, clean and safe complex. However, there are two problems. One is that we can hear our neighbor's music (or more specifically the bass line of his music) whenver he listens to it. And he listens to it ALL THE TIME. And sometimes with his patio door open, which makes it even easier to hear. I know this isnt the apartment managment's problem or fault. I mean, it's an apartment, you are bound to hear some noise from your neighbors. Curiously, we hear NOTHING from the neighbors on the other side. We have talked to the music lover and the apartment managers, and we have sent notes, and finally last night, we called security on him. I mean, you know we can hear your lame top 40 music, it's midnight on Sunday night, turn that crap off.

And then there is the pool. On the weekends, it is basically a non-stop frat party, and at least twice a week, each week we have been here, we have been awaken by people splashing and screaming in the middle of the night. I feel like such an idiot. I mean, how did I not know that living by the pool would be such a pain in the ass? Well, I have spent my entire adult life in Chicago, where mega apartment complexes are rare at best, and pools in apartments are even more rare. I didn't know people would be playing beerpong in the pool, and that the closing time is just arbitrary as there is no one to enforce it. This, I feel is totally the management's problem, but they are doing little to regulate or enforce the pool rules.

Okay, so that is the shit I am dealing with. I am doing my best to cope, but breakdowns are frequent, and I fear it will only get harder before it gets easier. I know, it will still take months to meet people. Getting a job will help. I have been networking the best I can, given I know no one, and I am applying to every job that is posted that fits my abilities and experience. And of course, getting a job will also ease the financial pressure. How am I supposed to make friends (or keep friends) if I can't afford to go out for a beer every once in a while?

And, on the apartment front, we have registered formal complaints, and are in the slow process of working through this with the complex manager. Not sure we will ever come to a resolution that makes Tom and I happy, but best case scenario, we will be able to convince them to move us to a unit that is not poolside, and then we will only have to contend with loud neighbors, if there happen to be any. In the mean time, I am experimenting with lunesta to help me fall, and stay asleep (works like a charm so far.. but the samples are dwindling and I have no medical insurance!) and we are employing a white noise machine and earplugs with regularity. Worst case scenario, we have to stay here, and we can move out to a house that doesnt have a public pool or shared walls next summer. I just have to get through the next 11 months...

I am trying to keep my sense of humor about it, but it is a pretty depressing place to be right now. I am focused on not blaming Tom, and not taking it out on him. It's not his fauly, and I think I am doing a really good job of not directing my frustrations at him. But, if you are feeling sorry for me by now, you shouldn't. Feel bad for Tom, who has to deal with my breakdowns and is really doing a saintly job. Just send me your positive thoughts, and any tips on how to block out unwanted sound.

Okay, so it's all out there now. Very cathartic. Let the healing process begin.